So, the big Mistry got me playing this computer game he's liked since 'back in the day' (which in Shek-ese, usually refers to high school). It's called LORD (short for Legend Of the Red Dragon) and is a high tech game (you telnet in) with a sophisticated user interface (text). It is a multiplayer game, in which about 100 or so dorks...er, i mean users, create a character and go about these quests in an attempt to level up and defeat the legendary Red Dragon. These quests basically fill 2 testosterone-soaked categories - killing stuff and having sex. You get some points (and fake money - which you use to buy bigger weapons) for killing 'forest creatures' (computer bots), and even more for killing other players (virtually, that is - if you kill them in real life, you'll probably go to jail). You also get points for having sex - either by convincing another player to sleep with you (again, if you attempt this in real life, you will get STDs and babies instead of points) or winning a guessing game where you get to rescue a hot prince (or princess). Eventually you have enough points to kill the dragon and once you do that 5 times you win! Now, because advancing in the game pretty much requires you to kill other players, at any given time about 95% of the players are 'dead' (don't worry too much about the LORD mortality rate - everybody gets to regenerate once a day). Anyway, this got me thinking - what sort of computer games would reflect real life better, but still appeal to the raging hormones of your online gamer?
LATS - the Legend of Andro-Testosterone Supplements: In this game, players gain experience (AKA Bulk) by going to the gym and doing reps. Bonus points are randomly awarded by finding steroids, creatinine, or other fitness supplements. You level up by beating up various other dudes from 'pipsqueak man' to 'Arnold'. You can lose a level if you are caught by a random urine test.
PALM - Privately Always Looking for a Masturbatorium: In this game, you take on the role of a horny teenage boy in high school. Your challenge is to sneak out of class and find somewhere private to 'take care of business'. There is a constantly ticking hornometer - if you haven't escaped before time runs out, you lose points from the ensuing embarassing occurance. You also lose points if you get caught in the act (ie. janitor needs something from the closet, principle comes back to his office). You gain points by find discovering 'naughty magazines' or running into skanky classmates. You win the game when you finally get a date.
NERD - Not Enough Roleplaying, Dammit!: This is a meta-roleplaying game, where you join an online community of gamers. You get points based on the number of online role playing games you play and how well you're doing in each game. Bonus points are awarded by finding virtual cans of Jolt and packages of Hot Pockets. You win the game when you finally get a date.
Comments (10)
The other games are pretty stupid, but I like the NERD. I don't think I'd do very well, though. My girlfriend would probably get in the way of me joining too many games. It's kind of hard to compete with the superdorks that don't have any friends or a girlfriend.
And if LORD is so male-oriented, why are there 39 females out of 131 players? That's almost a third.
Posted by Abhishek | November 2, 2005 10:04 PM
Posted on November 2, 2005 22:04
By the way, "back in the day" means back in its era. LORD was played in the time before the Internet became popular. There were proprietary services such as Prodigy and America Online that provided an online community with chat, email, news, games, and other services. These were fee based.
There were also free servers that people would host out of their basements that provided similar services, albeit without much fancy graphics. They were called bulletin board systems (BBS's), and a popular game on these systems was Legend of the Red Dragon. Of course, that was "back in the day." Now you have Everquest and that superdorky Star Wars online game.
Posted by Abhishek | November 2, 2005 10:11 PM
Posted on November 2, 2005 22:11
"These quests basically fill 2 testosterone-soaked categories - killing stuff and having sex. You get some points (and fake money - which you use to buy bigger weapons) for killing 'forest creatures'."
Kick Ass!
... *goes to download game
:-)
Very funny Tracy.
Posted by Craig | November 3, 2005 1:27 AM
Posted on November 3, 2005 01:27
lol. Just make sure to keep *both* hands on the keyboard, Craig :p
Posted by Abhishek | November 3, 2005 9:35 AM
Posted on November 3, 2005 09:35
Looks like this blog has multiplied! It has gone far and beyond the Misty monologues.
:-)
As for the games. I was able to follow the real life metaphors. But I got lost with the details of the games. Sex and violence keep making money for the Hollywood folks. I guess gaming is like trying to be in the movies. On the cheap.
And who is Craig? "First time we are seeing him." (From the movie Heat)
As in Al Pacino about Robert De Niro. "Who's that loner?"
Posted by Paramendra Bhagat | November 4, 2005 4:59 PM
Posted on November 4, 2005 16:59
Does anyone here know, is Abhishek Mistry Indian Indian or Indian American? Or is he a Native?
:-)
Posted by Paramendra Bhagat | November 4, 2005 5:01 PM
Posted on November 4, 2005 17:01
Hey, "Abby-shack", I found this through my brother's "website". I LOVED L.O.R.D. back in the day - I even slayed the dragon once, although I was more into it for the "social aspect" aka, sleeping with as many people as possible and flirting with Seth the Bard in order to make myself more attractive. I already remember being really into killing someone I just slept with. ;-) SysOps are your best friend in this game because they can give you more hitpoints and money etc. They can also bring you back to life so you =really= don't need to wait until the next day to play again if you die. Back around 94-96 or so, a whole bunch of us were BBSing.. me, Rebecka Goldberg, Tracy Swarthout along with my brother, Dan Payne and some others. I knew a lot of people in Catskill and K-town from BBSing, too.. after awhile it became this weird, incestual thing with everyone dating everyone else... ok.. I'll shut up... I'm a geek. ;-)
Posted by Angel | November 5, 2005 4:26 PM
Posted on November 5, 2005 16:26
Oh yeah one last thing... chicks in LORD -CAN- get preggers. I forget what the circumstances are, like, if you're married to someone in the game? Or something? All it does is decrease the hitpoints on the day she gives birth. I remember hearing it can be beneficial having kids in LORD but uh... last I played this was 10 years ago or something ha ha ha...
Posted by Angel | November 5, 2005 4:28 PM
Posted on November 5, 2005 16:28
Angel, good to see you here.
LORD is fun precisely because of the social aspect. Otherwise it's just a stupid text-based role playing game, the kind that died out 20 years ago.
If you're interested, you should check out Nuklear LORD at http://lord.nuklear.org. They've enhanced LORD by adding a web rankings page that updates frequently and a web forum where you can chat with other players outside the game. Join the red realm - it's fun.
BTW, I'm assuming you played on the BBS in Woodstock (I forget the name). What was your handle? Mine was HotShot, which is where the name of this blog derives from.
Posted by Abhishek | November 7, 2005 12:16 PM
Posted on November 7, 2005 12:16
Hahaha...my character in Lord got knocked up today :p I named the kid Anil heehee.
Posted by Tracy | November 21, 2005 7:45 PM
Posted on November 21, 2005 19:45