HotShot Blog

In honor of our diligent bloggers imminent 24th birthday, I decided to devote a blog entry to his fascinating life story.

Shortly before his birth, Abhishek's parents moved from India to America. However, Mrs. Mistry returned to India to have Abhi. Why? Well, the theory is that the relative that was sponsering the Mistries during their immigration was a closeted conservative, and via some special skill (some would call it political gaydar) could tell that the ripening fetus would turn out to be a raging liberal. So he requested that Mrs. Mistry temporarilly return to India to have her baby, thus eliminating the frightening possibility of a future President Mistry.

It was for this reason that on June 18th, 1982, in the city of Navsari, Gujarat, Abhishek Mistry entered this world. Navsari is apparantly a decent sized city by indian standards, but it seems like a pretty small town from the photos I've seen. Anyway, Navsari got its name from the fact that the women there wear a special type of sari, called a Nav-Sari. The men wear Nav-Dhotis.

Once baby Abhishek recovered from the gastrointestinal diseases that seem to accompany a visit to India, Mrs. Mistry decided that it would now be possible to take a long plane ride to America without having to change her baby's Nav-Diaper every 2 minutes.

This is how Abhishek came to America. I don't know much about Abhishek's early childhood. I do know that he lived in a little dinky apartment in Long Island, and he had a toy phone that he liked to play with. I also know that he was very developmentally advanced (I guess those Indian gastroenteritises do some good after all) and he was reading and doing long division way before he was potty trained.

Eventually Mr. Mistry got a job at IBM and the whole family relocated to Kingston, New York. Kingston is in the part of the country where people consider wagon wheels to be an attractive and upscale ornament for their front yards. It is a rural city full of white people and the occasional black person. When Abhishek started school in Kingston, he was the only brown person there. He said that because he was brown, nobody wanted to be his friend. Luckily, the coolest kid in his class did want to be his friend, so he was happy. Despite being friends with the coolest kid in his class, Abhishek didn't become cool until he was a senior in high school. Even then, it was debatable. But Abhishek suffered from an affliction that even his Xtremely cool friend Dave couldn't have saved him from - enormous dorky glasses.

Abhishek's glasses were so big and powerful that they enabled him to read even the smallest of details on the blackboard, quickly propelling him to the top of the class. Throughout his childhood, Abhishek worked diligently to get ever-increasing prescriptions, spending tireless hours in front of the family television thoroughly engrossed in his Nintendo Entertainment System. He eventually aquired a few more friends to play Nintendo with, and there in the glow of Mario and Zelda, he grew into a man. Well, actually, he just grew into a fatter kid, but you get the picture.

Pets are considered dirty in India, and Abhishek's parents would not let him get a dog, a cat, or even an iguana. But, when he was seven, they gave him something even better - a brother! Now Kingston had two brown kids, and Abhishek quickly lost his novelty status.

Abhishek attended Saugerties High School, home of the Sawyers. But instead of their mascot being that hot shirtless guy from Lost, it's actually just a cross between a redneck and Yosemite Sam. In high school, Abhishek really stood out. He did cross country, ski club, Magic: the Gathering Club, marching band, Model Congress, and was captain of the .. MATH TEAM!!! And when he finally traded in those enormous glasses for contact lenses, the girls couldn't help but notice . . . that his eyeballs popped out of his head, Ricky Ricardo style, whenever a hot blonde walked by. Despite this rather unsettling phenomenon, Abhishek managed to get a nice hot blonde to go to his senior prom with him, and even date him for a little while. Turns out, she thought his trumpet skills were pretty sexy. After graduating as Valedictorian, Abhishek went on to Cornell University where he would discover, 'wow, Ithaca really IS gorges'.

At Cornell, Abhishek studied diligently, building a resume that would make mere mortals feel incredibly dumb and lazy. In fact, looking at his resume makes me feel dumb and lazy. So you'll have to ask him yourself about all the wonderful research and leadership roles he took on at Cornell. But it sure is impressive.

Not content to graduate Cum Laude like most of the overacheiving students, Abhishek graduated Magna Cum Laude with degrees in Economics and Computer Science. He also was inducted into some genius frat called Phi Beta Kappa. I accompanied him to his induction ceremony, which consisted of a bunch of people telling them how much smarter and better they are than anybody else. Needless to say, all the friends and family members there who didn't qualify for PBK (myself included) were firmly put in our place.

Determined to fulfill his family's dreams, after graduating from Cornell, Abhishek decided to become Dr. Mistry. Unfortunately, a finance PhD was not the kind of doctor his parents had in mind. But I can tell you, that monetarily speaking, I think he's better off getting the PhD :p

Choosing the perpetual student route is tough, especially when you see your friends out having real lives and careers. Abhishek's group of friends from home have been very sucessful - one's a hip-hop DJ, another is a software engineer with a house and a bus, another leads a platoon in Iraq, one is married with two kids, the list goes on and on. But Abhi isn't doing so bad himself --

Three years into his finance PhD program, Abhishek has blossomed into a successful young man who looks really good in a three button suit (a vital skill in the business world). In this next year, he will have the opportunity to live out two of his greatest fantasies (no, NOT wrestling with a thong bikini-clad Heather Graham and Helena Bonham Carter in a vat of Astroglide!!) -- working at a big banking firm, and having people finally call him 'professor' without any sarcasm.

So please join me in wishing this amazing young man a very happy birthday. In just 24 years, he has gone from a house on a dirt road in India to being a 'professor' in International Finance in Manhattan...and there's a very good chance that we'll be calling him Dr. Mistry before he turns 25!

Congratulations on all your successes, Abhi and have a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!